Progress photos - 29th June to 14th January

Forgot to take my face off the top one and paint etc are being irritating and computer generally rubbish tonight so this'll have to do...

65lbs later....

Health Goals 2013

So, I'm now into my 28th week of dieting. Over half a year. I'm now at the point where - yes, ok, I'm pretty sick of it but due to deluding myself that investing in colourful mediums and displays will alleviate me, my walls will be covered in all kinds of materials to do with dieting.
Yes, a bit crazy, and it might just make me crazy but I can see myself going off the rails without much planning and it'll be nice to have in the background as this busy month progresses
On the one noticeboard, my new years resolutions (as appears in a previous blog post) and a number-replaceable 'lbs off/lbs to go' sticky note type thing..
On the other, various quotes, total weight % so far, 6 mantras by which to live to lose 20lbs without the fad diets, my wedding invite signalling my goal date (rescheduled to 29th June - also the day of my graduation), stats note including date/weight/bmi, some 30 or so pins signifying weight loss for 2013 and, most importantly and the focus of the blog: my health related goals for 2013 - and a brief explanation of why I've picked them
GOALS FOR 2013 
Get to Ten Stone To reach my target weight to make it all worthwhile
(yes, I've not actually announced my weight for obvious reasons. I'm not proud of how heavy I was but now I've not lost this weight I've GOT RID of it - I've got no intention of getting it back again! Now you have some idea of how fat I was! It actually took a comment my wise sister said to finally come out of the metaphorical closet (fridge) with my weight.)
No alcohol until 29th June 2013
Because I've relied on it in shitty times as of late and I know that if I was at home, my behaviour'd be unacceptable. Essentially self-medication. Again, 29th June will be 1 year since graduation/wedding day, so what better time?
Normal BMI - one of the many goals on my list since day 1 (7.5lb to go)
1/2 normal BMI - ditto (23.5lb to go)
Get under 12st - ditto (1.5lb to go - eeeee)
Get under 11st - ditto (15.5lb to go)
Get under 10.5 st - ditto (21.5lb to go)
Get halfway through C25K - Rome wasn't built in a day, hence...
Complete C25k - people are like 'wahey you look great!' I feel better, yes, but I am still a wobbly mess with a stomach that looks like its sponsored by Quakers oats! Have become useless with fitness due to christmas so nows a great opportunity
Keep up running - yeah. Or fitness, either way, depends on the stumps. We'll see.
Look good in blue dress - my body motivation. Its stretchy material aka belly's worst nightmare. In fact, I'm in said dress in my profile picture on this blog (taken mid november, about a stone heavier than now) and people have complimented it. Again, I still have a proper fat belly going on there, want to be rid of it
Stop fucking around in Soler (spanish cafe)
Not really food related. Just because a lot of last term I went there just to browse internet, socialise, and intend to work and end up working about half an hour out of 2/3 hours. Currently using it as my place to read (new years resolution #2)
And if I'm there, I only allow myself green tea.
Basically, to use my time more wisely. Got the idea from the Great Gatsby (In my resolutions, and in his, again)
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Essentially once I hit 70lbs which I'm *hoping* will be in the first week of february (not strictly), I'm resetting my weight goals on the side to these various things. 70lbs is now my reward of a Tablet (because I need it) and I'll see how I go with the rest...
I feel myself getting close. Updating the goals to the right of the blog, and being able to include SIX stone just made it feel so real. The fact I'm half a stone off a normal BMI. I don't want to tempt fate but I am finally realising where this is all taking me.
Still have a bit of time to go, about 2stone at least, but the end is nigh....

New Year's Resolutions: 2013

Sorry I've not blogged, it's all not been particularly interesting...here goes though.

New Year's Resolutions

• Give up alcohol: I know I've given it up lots of times, so not that impressive. Found that I was fed up of it and pretty certain that it's added flab to my waistband again over the christmas period. Got the rest of the vodka from my last entry, but it's going straight down the sink when I get back to Spain: not worth it, not clever, and not even remotely beneficial
• Read a book every two weeks: maybe even more in that time
• Complete C25K and keep up the running : Increasingly scared by this half marathon, let's not go there. If I can do that then it'll be enough for me. Slacked a bit this holiday and suspect it'll go back up again when I go back to Spain
• Fridge rule: Don't eat things from the fridge unless it's on a plate. And a reasonable-sized-portion plate. No excuses. Hasn't happened so much in the latter part of the year except when christmas has hit, so it'll be easy to get back into that habit.
• Lost the rest of that 2st 5lbs: I am now 60lbs down and have 33lbs to go to target weight now. It may be slightly more by now but I have decided to skip weigh-in this week (sorry folks, I am far wimpier than I thought..!)
• Take more time to sit and plan: proven to make yourself more productive
• Plan small intervals in the day in which to calm down : ditto above.
• Replace fizzy drinks with water/tea: had this going really well at one point but that has gone back again. Just want to drink more antioxidants and stuff really.
• Limit my time on 'gadgets' : a given, really, which will come with making lists and scheduling my life I guess.
• Look for a new job!!! - and finally begin the rest of my life!
• Keep in contact with people more!!! - especially of late, I've been really terrible at this which is no reflection on the people in my life, just that I think I've got so wrapped up in my own world and I'm so sorry! It ends here!!

Happy new year, guys :) Challenge yourself in the coming year but remember to be realistic with your new year's resolutions. Make a concerted effort to change your life and self! Good luck!!

A principios de Diciembre

Sorry that I've not blogged in a while - I admit I haven't been in the right place for probably a good...month or so. Which culminated in this being consumed in one night...

Really not proud, but figured that if I don't confront it head on and open up about it then I'll never fight it. I'm happy to say that the bottle has not been touched since that night about a week ago - however, that cannot happen again. I'm surprised that this was after losing 54lbs, I thought my threshold would be lower, and especially since I hadn't drunk more than about one drink a night (on rare occasions) since graduation (29th June) but, apparently my liver has other plans. ANYWAY let's not go down that route.

That might actually be another time to explain the stones on either side, which was something I picked up from a weight loss forum - to track the pounds you've lost and pounds that remain through little pebbles. The pounds lost (with bigger pebbles, admittedly) are on the left, the other pounds on the right. I actually bought two of those containers but really underestimated how many I'd fit in there...the other container is currently being turned into an Exercise 8 ball if that makes any sense (it won't, so I'll explain it anyway) - I'm going to put in all kinds of fitness prompts like "do 20 squats" and that kinda stuff (when I get time to) to motivate myself to just workout when I can - whenever I think of the 'magic 8 ball', I have to pick out something at random, whatever it may be (Getting my ideas from @fitness (who I have recently discovered promotes 'slimming tablets', despite claiming to be so healthy, so I'd advise you to watch out and don't take their word for everything) and @ohheyteresa (who...does not! And who endorses healthy eating and exercise a lot, and has been very encouraging during this weight loss shindig)

Anyway the two big things I want to announce

I am now at 56lbs weight loss, aka I've lost 4st and have got 2st 9 to go now until my target, and a mere 16lbs until I am a normal BMI, so I'm incredibly shocked at where I've found myself now

Secondly, probably against my better judgement, I have agreed to do a half marathon in March. I don't run AT ALL, couldn't even do it in school, so I suspect it will be very much a quick dash power walk if I can even manage that. This is crude but true - I am cacking myself about it. The person I am doing it with pointed out that he hadn't run at all before doing it, no training, and fast walked his first marathon - he's lost about 60lbs and has done quite a few marathons since, I believe about 5 but I might be making that up. It may be more or slightly less.

Tbh, I think his moral support and ill-conceived faith in me and the fact that I'd have a close friend was what made me say yes. 

Well, that and this 'yes man' attitude I've suddenly rediscovered - DAMN YOU DANNY WALLACE.

I don't think I have even half the determination he does but I really need to pick it up now. I'm joining a gym as soon as I get back in january - I have a feeling it won't be enough but dammit, I'll try it! Back to the couch 25k when I get home too! (speaking of going home, I'm afraid to say I'm scared of Christmas and the eat-til-you-puke that will be going on around me. Then again, I have it now ingrained into my head that this is officially my last fat Christmas (until I have kids), so I am aiming not to cheat myself and my progress!

Main thing is, after a few rough weeks, I gave myself a little break after vodkagate last week, and I've picked it back up again this week. Just goes to prove, a little too much over-thinking can add the pressure on you without you even realising. I think what with the town feeling a bit lonely, this didn't help, and I'm overwhelmed by the support that people have given me online or through other means in such a grey time. I've finally admitted to someone here what happened and it's fine to admit you'll slip up at points or that you plummet - the past matters not, it's what you do next to resolve your situation. I now feel in control, thankfully.

Also, I'm so embarrassed to say, I'm writing this in a cafe and (to make final progress pictures) pictures of me in my underpants with a stomach the size of Africa just came up and I'm like AHHHH. And yesterday I realised my tagged huge pictures on facebook could be seen, so I felt it's probably time for another progress photo....this one is actually from two weeks ago, but I've lost about 4lbs in 2 weeks, so nothing's drastically changed in those two weeks. Same "THEN" ape-photo as before, since there are some fucking hideous ones I've just seen on facebook that I can't bring myself to download, lol.

"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."

New Blog Domain!

Too many f's to type in, can't-be-arsed-itis has kicked in. And the pun on the tv show made me smile (not that I even know what Home Improvement is even remotely about)

Which also means, I'm not blogging yet, probably will one day this week. I've lost 2lb this week though, whoo!

Stay Classy xxxx

Scream Egg

First things first, here are the pictures of my 'christmas challenge'. I still haven't added 26 (lady gaga on the top of the tree) because I am absent-minded but here's how it works: I started the weekend before 22/10 weigh-in to track my progress between then and Christmas. During a weigh-in while still in Britain, our consultant Yvonne gave us a little christmas tree with 14 baubles and told us it was 14 weigh-ins til Christmas and to colour each bauble for each pound we lose (ie lose a pound a week = lose 1 st before Christmas. That's incentive, and sounds do-able, yeah? Especially for someone of my size - I've lost 19.5 so far :O). Anyway, through a lot of procrastination and interview of my life, THE MOVE etc, I only managed to do it then, here's my progress since 22/10 weighin (3 weigh ins) blahblah:



So, back to now...

I've had awkward times this week, mainly today, and it rendered me a bit crappy, cranky, anxious. And didn't really have anything to resort to except just kinda throwing myself about desperately, like Lulu at pantomine. I need something to look back at when those times get tough to remind myself what I'm doing and why I'm doing this.

I've been reluctant to do this, but I'm going to upload some progress pictures.

Now, don't get me wrong, I know I still look big (I have a long way to go, after all) and I'm sorry that one of the pictures is still indistinct - only received my camera wire from home this week (not that I have any idea where my camera is) but it's just so that you can see some kind of difference between the ghastly "then" and the (at least, better) "now". It isn't too recent a picture, it's when I was at roughly X-3,10 (I'm now X-3,4). It's from October 24th and my graduation picture is from 29th June 2012 (and trust me, it was as traumatising for me to look through them as it will be for you, to see this utter troglodyte flabbing around in a gown!!!)

Spillzilla wit' yo crazy threads. - 29th June 2012

41 pounds off, 52 to go - Yo en Sevilla - 24th October 2012

(For the record, I am now 47lbs down, as noted in the blog post prior to this :))

I am not sure why the uni chancellor needs a ringbinder at a graduation ceremony. God knows.

So I mean...well, it's progress. I still have a misshapen tummy, no 'gap' between my thighs, heinous bingo wings and my body has more rolls than a chinese buffet. However I also have more defined biceps, tighter calves, and the huge jumpers I sported at uni are now falling off my shoulders. My tummy is smaller. I've gone down about 4 dress sizes. I'm not going to justify the fact that I'm still overweight, it's unhealthy, but I'm making progress which I'm going to continue sticking to.

Which is why I'm letting the exercise properly kick in now. I'm overweight. And that means I already have an advantage over my friends who workout who are not overweight. Perfect opportunity. No marathons or 'Here Wiggo' moments just yet, but it's all progress. I've got other stuff to do, which I will inform you about in the next few days.

When I finally go home (mid-late december), I want to put up one of the more hideous full-length pictures of me in my graduation dress, and then put it on myself and show you the comparison. Hopefully that'll be more representative and I won't be TOO FAT by that point :)

I know now that there is nothing I can make healthier in my diet, just that I need to eat more of it. Therefore, the more I exercise, the more I can stop having a go at myself. On a health forum, I spotted a thread in which its subscribers count up the number of '100%' days they have, where they know they have done their absolute best that day - I want to be able to say that I have done all I can if I hit on hard times again.

Below is a suitable ending note: something that someone very wise made me aware of and I constantly remind myself of it.

And even if you don't know the person, it's written on a teabag so it must be GOSPEL. Lots of love, thank you for reading, stay fit xxxxxx

BEEP BEEP BEEP, get on your feet. You've gotta get a job cos you're in too deep

I realise I have not done a proper update that does not include Rafiki or playlists since 19th October, when I hit 2st 8.5lb because I am basically simulating having a life. This will probably be quite boring and average, for that I apologise, but hopefully it can just update you on where I'm at.

Where am I at now..well I'm now 47lbs down, which is 3st 5 (and 2pounds over what I'm projected to have lost - I'm meant to be 45lb down at the moment). I'm looking at my 3.5st award next week, diet permitting. And my water retention seems to have kicked in already, so it might be a small loss next week, that's what I'm expecting. A pound would be great. A gain would be sad and ruin the trend of the graph but I can't say I'm not expecting it...

I haven't purchased the workout shoes (3st reward) because essentially I have no money. Paying the rent this month is even going to be a struggle. I haven't got my 40 and 45lb charms yet either (would rather get a load at once anyway) due to similar reasons really.

Generally this week has been awful, because for one reason or another, my appetite has been really low, and still has continued on to this week. Yesterday my landlady made me dinner which must've been the more than I ate in the four days prior. I'm still full having eaten nothing last night! It's just really uncool - if you are reading this and you are a dieter yourself DO NOT do this. Although I am due TOTM in the coming week and that's partially to blame, I think yesterday's meal, having not eaten much in the days prior, has sent my weight a bit weird. It's gone up this week by a lot already. Hopefully it will come back down again but I don't know if I can guarantee a loss (which makes me really sad)

OH I FOUND WEETABIX. Quite a while ago. Still getting the water into my system, probably about 1.5-2l a day still, especially when I'm working.

On a lighter note, I can't remember when I was last this weight. Probably when I ballooned when I was 14/15 or so. Joy.

Another lighter note (christ, the pun just hit me), I am over halfway (JUST) on my weight loss journey! Halfway would be a 13st 4.5 loss, I am now 3st 5 lighter. I was discussing with someone yesterday who has done what I set out to do (and exceeded that, she's now on a 101lb weight loss) and pointed out that she felt the same as I currently do - I feel underwhelmed. I feel this because I am still quite sizeable (noticeably slimmer, I'd hope, but still sizeable) and because I still have *so far* to go! But as she pointed out, I have come further already than I still have to go. Which made me clock that, if I can do it for this long and only start to see cracks now (well, and the last month  - although, admittedly, I am in a new job and in a foreign country too, we all knew I'd be stressed somewhat), then I can manage this a little longer, surely? I'm projecting myself to have lost it all by March 25th at the latest (well, I will have half a pound to go in March 18th). Tbh except for the cake in the staff room which I am still resisting heeeee-ugely, I am basically surrounded by good healthy wholesome food. I can see that continuing, especially due to the fact I'm in the flat by myself (I seriously need to move out btw, another thing that is hindered by the fact that I have no money!!

And as I have no Rafiki gems for you today, I might just put up a happy song. In a seriously weak attempt to brighten this up slightly, courtesy of the Rumble Strips -Please listen, it's wicked :D

Thanks for reading this, and if you've continued to read it, and if you will continue to read it (even better!), you're all amazing xxxxx