Really not proud, but figured that if I don't confront it head on and open up about it then I'll never fight it. I'm happy to say that the bottle has not been touched since that night about a week ago - however, that cannot happen again. I'm surprised that this was after losing 54lbs, I thought my threshold would be lower, and especially since I hadn't drunk more than about one drink a night (on rare occasions) since graduation (29th June) but, apparently my liver has other plans. ANYWAY let's not go down that route.
That might actually be another time to explain the stones on either side, which was something I picked up from a weight loss forum - to track the pounds you've lost and pounds that remain through little pebbles. The pounds lost (with bigger pebbles, admittedly) are on the left, the other pounds on the right. I actually bought two of those containers but really underestimated how many I'd fit in there...the other container is currently being turned into an Exercise 8 ball if that makes any sense (it won't, so I'll explain it anyway) - I'm going to put in all kinds of fitness prompts like "do 20 squats" and that kinda stuff (when I get time to) to motivate myself to just workout when I can - whenever I think of the 'magic 8 ball', I have to pick out something at random, whatever it may be (Getting my ideas from @fitness (who I have recently discovered promotes 'slimming tablets', despite claiming to be so healthy, so I'd advise you to watch out and don't take their word for everything) and @ohheyteresa (who...does not! And who endorses healthy eating and exercise a lot, and has been very encouraging during this weight loss shindig)
Anyway the two big things I want to announce
I am now at 56lbs weight loss, aka I've lost 4st and have got 2st 9 to go now until my target, and a mere 16lbs until I am a normal BMI, so I'm incredibly shocked at where I've found myself now
Secondly, probably against my better judgement, I have agreed to do a half marathon in March. I don't run AT ALL, couldn't even do it in school, so I suspect it will be very much a quick dash power walk if I can even manage that. This is crude but true - I am cacking myself about it. The person I am doing it with pointed out that he hadn't run at all before doing it, no training, and fast walked his first marathon - he's lost about 60lbs and has done quite a few marathons since, I believe about 5 but I might be making that up. It may be more or slightly less.
Tbh, I think his moral support and ill-conceived faith in me and the fact that I'd have a close friend was what made me say yes.
Well, that and this 'yes man' attitude I've suddenly rediscovered - DAMN YOU DANNY WALLACE.
I don't think I have even half the determination he does but I really need to pick it up now. I'm joining a gym as soon as I get back in january - I have a feeling it won't be enough but dammit, I'll try it! Back to the couch 25k when I get home too! (speaking of going home, I'm afraid to say I'm scared of Christmas and the eat-til-you-puke that will be going on around me. Then again, I have it now ingrained into my head that this is officially my last fat Christmas (until I have kids), so I am aiming not to cheat myself and my progress!
Main thing is, after a few rough weeks, I gave myself a little break after vodkagate last week, and I've picked it back up again this week. Just goes to prove, a little too much over-thinking can add the pressure on you without you even realising. I think what with the town feeling a bit lonely, this didn't help, and I'm overwhelmed by the support that people have given me online or through other means in such a grey time. I've finally admitted to someone here what happened and it's fine to admit you'll slip up at points or that you plummet - the past matters not, it's what you do next to resolve your situation. I now feel in control, thankfully.
Also, I'm so embarrassed to say, I'm writing this in a cafe and (to make final progress pictures) pictures of me in my underpants with a stomach the size of Africa just came up and I'm like AHHHH. And yesterday I realised my tagged huge pictures on facebook could be seen, so I felt it's probably time for another progress photo....this one is actually from two weeks ago, but I've lost about 4lbs in 2 weeks, so nothing's drastically changed in those two weeks. Same "THEN" ape-photo as before, since there are some fucking hideous ones I've just seen on facebook that I can't bring myself to download, lol.
"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."
